Looking for the September Non-Disclosure Form (as mentioned in my piece in September 2013’s Tofino Time magazine)? Click the thumbnail to download it.
Wondering what the heck this is about? Read the piece (below) and all will become clear.
The DOLT Revolt by greg blanchette 2013
I kicked up my skateboard, glanced up and down Campbell Street, and casually pulled open the door to the district office, like I was going in to sign up for a macrame class, maybe, or ask about the noise bylaw.
Laura was expecting me—all smiles as usual, but you don’t mess with a gal who knows a dozen ways to take you down with her bare hands. I nodded politely and gave the password. “You’re late,” she said. Continue reading “September Non-Disclosure?”
Cermaq International announced today the creation of a genetically enhanced “supersalmon” that the company predicts will double production at its industrial salmon feedlots worldwide, and not incidentally stanch the company’s haemorrhaging financial losses in recent quarters. Continue reading “Cermaq launches ‘super-salmon’”
Mainstream Canada announced today the creation of a genetically enhanced “supersalmon” that the company predicts will double production at its industrial salmon feedlots worldwide, and not incidentally stanch the company’s haemorrhaging financial losses in recent quarters. The announcement was timed to coincide with release of the Cohen Commission Report.
The supersalmon is also expected to address many inconvenient environmental issues that critics point to about salmon farms. For instance, instead of the usual high-protein feed of anchovy and Southern Ocean krill, leading to a huge net loss of food protein, the new supersalmon will be raised largely on a diet of deep-fried food and British lager, both in plentiful supply.
“Under this new diet regime, the fish also tend to be chronically constipated,” said Mainstream scientist Cam Promized. “This has the double benefit of quicker weight gain and reducing the thousands of tonnes of raw fish sewage discharged into the ocean under every open net-cage salmon feedlot.”
In addition, said Mainstream genetic researcher Saul Dowt, the skin has been “custom designed” with mottled brown spots. “This makes it harder to identify sea lice and other routine parasites endemic to salmon feedlots.” Parasite infection of industrial meat products is known to disgust consumers. “It’s sort of a ‘marketing camouflage,'” Dowt laughed.
Mainstream Canada spokesbot Saurie Yessman did acknowledge that the new supersalmon bears an uncanny resemblance to anti-salmon-farm crusader Don Staniford (recently sued, unsuccessfully, by that company, racking up yet another public humiliation for the salmon farming industry).** “But this will make it so much more enjoyable to confine them cruelly in small net pens all their pathetic lives,” Yessman said, gesticulating dangerously with a razor-sharp fish knife, “and then to cut their guts out.”
** UPDATE: Mainstream’s appeal was upheld in July 2013 in a judgement against Staniford, and a sorry subjugation of citizens’ right to free speech. It’s the new corporate way : If they can’t win with spin in the public sphere, they sue. Shame on you, Mainstream Canada!
The multi-national corporate agenda has gotten so blatant, so shameless, and so desperate to assert itself in one last dying gasp (now that its anti-human machinations are so apparent to we the people of these supposed democracies), that it has moved firmly onto the caricature stage.
Canada’s prime example of this is the tar sands/Enbridge pipeline fiasco, which our oil-owned “majority” governing Conservative party has openly decided to push through, despite all inconvenient scientific or democratic arguments against it. Continue reading “Mocking the big O”
I’m a big fan of both street art and satire — seems to me we’re living in a world demanding way more of both. Here’s an interview with “Hanksy,” who provides a nice combo of the two. Particularly the trash can, eh? I wonder why we don’t have more guerrilla art here on the West Coast. Does the rain make it hard to use spray paint?