Category: Tofino

We suck!

Five toga-clad revellers pulled off a coup that stunned even themselves in the Oyster Slurping Contest at last Friday’s Mermaid’s Ball. — the costume-party element of the (in)famous annual Clayoquot Oyster Festival.

Left to right in the pic (which is one of the least scandalous of our slurp posted on Facebook by Ed Henley) are winning team members Kim, Josie, me, Katie and Lyndsey.

Josie was the organizational brain behind this … triumph? Spectacle? Debacle? Whichever, i’m sure we all take great pride in the victory, and comfort in knowing that what happened at the Mermaid’s Ball … stays at the Mermaid’s Ball. Right, townsfolk?

For those at the raucous event who did not hear Cameron reading our  explanatory speech (i.e. everybody), here’s the text:

Friends, Tofitians, countrymen … Centuries ago, the ancient Greeks instituted a festival of sport.

YEA, in the very shadow of noble Mount Olympus, home of the GODS, they held a yearly contest of physical prowess FREE of cheesy corporate sponsorship and obscene insider profit at taxpayer expense.

This ancient, shining civilization — the very birthplace of democracy itself — NEVER compromised its citizens’ civil rights as they enjoyed their traditional sports of naked wrestling and WOMEN’S SKI JUMPING.

NOW, in a tribute to their TRUE spirit, we present the long lost opening event to those ancient Games … the OLYMPIC OYSTER RELAY.

And the sign that Josie held up at the end read:

This Olympic relay cost taxpayers $0!

In a lovely touch, it was printed in the Coca-Cola font. We rest our case.

Dear council … about that sludge …

Tofino harbour sludge, 19 NTov. 2009Thanks to local gadabout and civic tornado Jackie Windh and her public-spirited Tofino Residents blog for the heads-up on this gross-looking and undoubtedly insalubrious slick that washed about in Tofino harbour last Thursday — apparently the result of some epic, industrial-style cleaning at a posh waterfront establishment that i will be delighted to name here when it is confirmed. (Click pic to go to her post, with more pics and video.)

Jackie urges concerned residents to ask council to get DFO looking into this, and i concur. If we can’t take even this much responsibility for our immediate surroundings, how can we think ourselves worthy of living in Clayoquot Sound?

Here’s my letter to council:

Dear Tofino Mayor and Council,

I am writing to ask that you vigorously look into the source, effects and punitive measures for the shocking discharge of sludge and trash that was dumped into Tofino harbour on Nov. 19.

If we are to take even a modicum of responsibility for our immediate surroundings, this incident cannot be dismissed or let slide. As Tofino’s elected guardians, I see it as your responsibility to invoke some action on this front. Because it happened on the ocean, it seems to me that DFO is the body responsible for looking into it. Please urge them to undertake an investigation.

If we do not — as individuals, as governing bodies, and as a town — bring censure or repercussion to this grossest form of industrial discharge, then anybody can get away with anything and we might as well write off the whole of Clayoquot Sound.

I suspect — I hope — the whole debacle was just a foolish mistake on someone’s part, rather than a deliberate act of irresponsibility. But even accidents have consequences, and it would be well for those responsible to know people are watching, and people care.

I look forward to hearing more about the cause of this egregious abuse.

Sincerely,

greg blanchette

UPDATE (26 Nov.): It appears i flew off the handle a little, and that the sludge is of natural origin: worm casings. Who’da thunk? That doesn’t explain all the beer cans, but the best biological minds in Tofino are pretty sure. Details at this blog post.

~greg (flying off the handle since … well … birth)